My Sadist Philosopher...

Call it misery or the havoc of love!
Or was it even love the way the world defines?

My sorrow was, somewhere, a key to his content.
And yet, he was around like no one else.
An ego of sorts, enveloped us till no end,
And yet in each other, our completeness dwells.

For longer than forever, a lot remained unsaid.
Once in a while came the signs of calm.
This tranquility with me was not the peace he made.
But a war of silence that caught me unalarmed.

It was more than often that we fell apart.
Spilling poison around, in the due course.
But failing to sustain the distances for long,
Reunited each time with a stronger force.

Never was it stated, but somehow I knew -
His pain was his comfort while mine, his beam.
Never was it stated, but somehow he knew -
Inspite of it all, he was my impossible dream...

I thought in many ways that I was not afraid.
For, I am not where he belonged.
Yet it hurts beyond cure to just let go
With a heart disillusioned and all hopes forlorn.

Out he walked with a favor to ask & a cold smile of no return.
Despite the tearing pain, I waited as I stood
Steady as a statue and violently stern -
I absorbed the venom of his rancid offer
Though here I am -
Still feeling high on my sadist philosopher...

NOT ANYMORE...

A friendly restlessness my heart can sense,
And choke me with life’s hideous essence.

I have known this grief for a long time now,
But not long enough to welcome it.
I have felt solitude so close for a while
And gradually, with it, have been comforted.

The pain has surfaced with a blow so wild –
Half loved, half cared, I walk alone.
To a place where vacuum is defined by space
And on the end of which, care & sadness galore.

Completely incomplete, I reached the end,
Where the dark enveloped me to scare me to the core,
Attempting to break me down and celebrate my tears.
But there was so much sorrow, that I couldn’t cry anymore…

FOR YOU...

Weird world, strange things…
Except for the strange is pleasant now.
A void soul now feels complete;
Blessed with the bliss of your silent vow.

I hear the music my heart plays;
Turns out it’s your knock of togetherness.
I feel secure and comforted;
To find it’s your warm, gentle caress.

No matter how left alone I am
Your thoughts become my company.
When I walk up to the mirror, and touch the glass;
I find you become the extended me…

It’s a beauty to witness how lives transform…
Where now, you and I have become the same.
Where your dreams gradually have become my truth…
And my interests have become your aim…

We walk as companions on the road of life.
Hand in hand for times eternal…
And if your strength would ever weaken;
I’ll give you mine to fight back survival.

Will hold you now to never let go; never let go of this completeness.

With all my courage, I’ll withstand the pain,
If an end were to part us ever;
And wash all limits with the tears of love—
Coz for you, a thousand times over…..

IT WAS WHEN I LOST...

It wasn’t long ago when I chirped like a bird
Sprinkling around, little laughter of joy.
But soon principles were born with life’s essence.
When I thought I matured, I’d lost my innocence…

As time proceeded, eyes followed my pace
Disapproving and alarming, anxious & grave.
Every step I took forward, raised questions with a glare.
When I thought I was worried for, I’d lost all care…

Life moved on and so did we all.
Bound by rejection, I accepted withdrawal.
But time brought me closer to an acquaintance destined.
When I thought I earned a companion, I’d lost my friend…

And then it came… A time when life seems filled with roses.
And smiles returned with a natural zeal.
But a broken promise my wet eyes concealed –
A love half lost was used as bait.
When I thought I was in love, I’d lost my soul mate…

Tired, obliterated, defeated and vanquished –
I seemed to reach my end and lay perished.
Attempted to fight back with a step so naïve;
When I thought I existed, I’d lost my life…

IN SEARCH...

I lie now calm with eyes closed,
And peace finally rested on my face.
With some others surrounding my deathbed;
To lend this end a serene grace.

The soul still had a disquiet manner -
A manner where it had found no end at all.
And continued to search for that one look;
A look which could embarrass the final call.

There were faces with tears and indifference around.
While the face and the tears that could shudder my soul,
Was still not anywhere to be found.

Let no flowers scent the end I meet.

As there is fragrance of love that I carry with me.
The warmth, the aura, the intimacy,
Would travel with my body to my grave with me.

The story ended, but not the struggle for peace.
Yet again, I lost the last, short glance.
I announce the end to the end of this grief
And my soul now gives up on the final chance.

Since time, to you, made me a lost story,
Since my memories, now, don’t remain with you.
I owe up to all of that on my own
And carry with me, some part of you…

Freedom

It was when Fear ruled my heart;

With a face pale and eyes red,
I would catch the closest, dearest hand.
Soothe myself with companionship
With dreams shaped and acts planned.

Bound by fear and shackled by love,
Life seemed to make the perfect sense.
When I thought I had no boundaries defined;
Was when I staunchly had built a fence.

The day when Freedom knocked my door, Disillusionment came along.
But gradually, the eyes twinkled,
And danced away with great aplomb.

With no hand to hold or fear defined.
I now walk like a bare soul.
Where the deafening silence envelopes me,
Where misery, derision & temerity unfold.

Blessed with seclusion, I wondered what it meant.
When life defined freedom with its knowledge profuse;
I curved my lips with a smile of consent
And freedom became another word for nothing left to lose…

Dead Life of a Soul

I was standing in a place called world by the rest.
With silent questions just loitering around.
With no awareness of life and an unspoken sound.
The ignorant soul was hoaxed by others.
When the horrendous words began deceiving my soul,
It was then when I realized…
I was hurt…

With still an interrogative look,
I stood quite forlorn on the pathway of life.
My world was set ablaze in front of me.
Which opened the floodgates of my eyes.
I could feel those waters dampening my soul,
It was then when I realized…
I was subdued…

With a hurt heart and moist eyes,
I started walking on the road of death.
Letting the cold breeze approach my being,
I could feel the wind slap my face.
I dispelled myself from believing my life.
And then I felt, I could breathe in, in and out.
It was then when I realized…
I was ALIVE…